[It's not until the morning after... everything at the ball that he finally looks at his phone. He's hit with a wall of notifications. Missed calls. A voicemail. A bunch of texts. Shit.
How selfish was he to not at least tell Harrow he was going to stay at Cat's? He just put his phone on silent and ignored it. He doesn't listen to the voicemail, he can't hear Harrow's voice right now, but he does read through the texts and the second to last makes his chest ache.]
I'm sorry I didn't mean to
[What? Ignore him? He did though.]
I'm sorry Harrow about everything I'm okay I'm at Cat's
[ The relief Harrow feels when he sees a text from Simon nearly kills him from how overwhelming it is. He can feel the tensity in his entire body finally relaxing. ]
No no it's fine I'm just really glad you're okay didn't mean to fill up your inbox
That's a lot to unpack. That's so much to unpack. He doesn't know where to begin with this, but he's more focused on getting across to Simon that he did nothing wrong for now. ]
I was perfectly in my right mind, Simon. Did I act differently than usual? Of course. This is all new and confusing and a lot to handle.
But I didn't do anything last night that I didn't want to do.
[Simon isn't stupid. Neither is Harrow. And yet he keeps trying to deny and push away any reasons that Harrow wanted the same thing. He can't have wanted that, he couldn't have been in his right mind when he looked down at him and brushed his fingers through his hair and called him "beautiful". Looked at him like he was everything. Touched him and moaned his name... it was just this place, that's it.]
You don't have to say that to make me feel better Please
You would have never done any of that if not for this place This wouldn't have happened back home Ever
[He stares at the words, considers not answering back. He doesn't for almost long enough to think he isn't going to.]
Because you're my boss Because you're literally the straightest man I know Because you're infuriating and I can't stand you Because you've never looked at me that way before here
[ This is hard. He wants to tell Simon that he wanted it. That he did what he did through his own choices. But also...that requires him to examine things that he hasn't had a chance to fully unpack yet. ] Fair I very much doubt that Also fair
[ That last point is so, so, dangerous. For so many reasons. He can fuck this up. He can say something he shouldn't. He can open a door he has no business looking through. He can close a door that he'll never be able to open again. It's that last point that delays his text almost as long as Simon. ]
[He can't do this. Not right now. He was prepared for... anything but this. He almost wishes Harrow were angry at him, it'd be easier to handle some how.]
I'm sorry I worried you Harrow but I can't
[Those typing dots are going wild for quite a bit, he types and deletes plenty of things, but they all don't feel like the right thing to say. So he gives up more or less, finally—]
[ This is something Harrow can't figure out. Can't put the pieces together to find the answer that's right in front of him like he would a case. All he knows is that he won't push, even if he can't stand the thought of Simon blaming himself for whatever reason. ]
[ Suddenly, in the middle of their text thread of sending each other stupid memes and cat pictures-- ]
which reminds me- it's been a while since we hung out.
do you wanna go out tonight? there's this nightclub i went to a few weeks back, but i didn't get a chance to really explore it. we could check it out if you're free
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